Ferrari F360 Modena VS Opel Corsa con Nos Drag Race

Unbelievable! Ferrari F360 Modena VS Opel Corsa con Nos Drag Race. Guess who won?

Pop-up-sick-le

Everyone who writes software must read Joel Spolsky's words on the software industry. I have seen pop-ups, I have been irritated to death by pop-ups, but have never given it a thought serious enough to make me come up with an article like that. Brilliant! My cogitation on the issue usually terminates at speculating how the darned pop-ups are impeding my reproductive instinct. I know this article is not so much about pop-ups as it is about software elegance in general. But them pop-ups are what stick to my mind the strongest. Die, pop-up! Die! (You can maybe imagine that last sentence as a cheap video game where some hideous gooey monster respawns again and again right after you slay it with fluorescent green slugs from your supernova-plasma-concentrator-10k gun each time. Die, then pop up, then die again....)

I am boring

You Are An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done.You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings.Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you.Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Could You Repeat That?

This is a grammatically valid English sentence:

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

It was discovered/invented in 1972 by University of Buffalo linguist William J. Rapaport. It means "Buffalo from the city of Buffalo that are intimidated by other buffalo from the city of Buffalo themselves intimidate a third group of buffalo, also from Buffalo."

Is that clear? Be glad you're not in the Netherlands, where Als In Bergen, bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen bergen means "If in Bergen, heaps of mountains salvage heaps of mountains, then heaps of mountains salvage heaps of mountains."

Source: http://www.futilitycloset.com/2006/09/26/could-you-repeat-that/

Grandma, blogs and Mahabalipuram

No updates for the past few days, I know. Grandmother passed away on the 13th . She was 81. She suffered a cardiac arrest on the surgery table when they were prepping her for a cataract surgery. It was extremely unexpected. And I don't think it has sunk in yet.

I wish I had spent a little more time with her. Atleast spoken to her the night before her surgery. Regrets.

The house feels terribly empty now. It's just mom by herself the whole day.

I read a few other blogs today and frankly, I feel my writing is not too bad. I mean, everyone writes the same boring sh*t. What they did, and who they met, and what they felt, and whose birthdays they celebrated and where they went. I am sure they know that nobody gives a sh*t about these. Still, they write. Like me. I am convinced more than ever that this constant need for self expression is going to be the penultimate cause of the doom of humankind. The ultimate cause.. you ask? Well, 'meetings'.

I had beem to mahabalipuram and Pondicherry last weekend with cousins. Mahabalipuram is an awesome place. Stunning. I want to see the place by moonlight. It is so majestic. And quite a romantic place too. Pondicherry is another fantastic experience. The french quarters... Aurobindo Ashram and surrounding areas. We rented bicycles and explored the place. It was an awesome break (mentally relaxing) after a long long time (not considering the Sabarimala pilgrimage of October).

The inside story

A dumb blonde bomb. That's three synonyms for excessive stupidity. Overkill! This one did not know where the processor in a computer was meant to be!

That was the heights. Hilarious.

Leak Tests

This is a test of the most secure Firewall software. Two interesting facts emerge:

1. I use the third best software in the industry
2. Some of the best software is free-to-use!

Priceless piece of advice

I've wanted to post this for a long time. And samba-dee I know should be reading this.

This is how good wives must conduct themselves. By this definition, I do not know a single good wife. God save the husbands of this world!

I bet you'll c(h)oke on this!

What happens to your body if you drink a coke right now. Scary man! They make it look like Evil Death or some such low budget hollywood horror flick. Come on, it can't be that bad. Or the body is a lot more resilient devil than I had thought it was.

World's most boring blog post. Ever.

Pardon my absence. I am sure you all missed me terribly. But please don't stop coming here. I need you people. This blog runs because of its many fans and critics! Anyway, for anyone caring to listen, I did not post here because I was on vacation with cousins in Chennai.

I got back late Sunday night. And since then, many things have happened.
1. Had a ritual fencing match with the dee. (What's new, u ask?). A long long time ago, when the dee and moiself was a-talkin', we got to the issue of 'Loss of Freedom in an LTR'. She insists that an LTR/marriage does not have to curtail freedom. I insist it necesarily does. I think I am right. But she won the argument anyway! See what I tell you? But seriously, the last week was a very important week for the two of us, and we had planned on celebrating our little successess this last weekend. But i had to go to Chennai coz ma cuz wuz (who says I can't rap?) coming down from Delhi and this vacation plan of ours was long pending. I really didn't want to miss that. But now, the dee will never forgive me for 'my mixed up priorities' and 'absolute lack of compassion or feeling'. Well, all I can say is, I hope one day, you'll see things from my perspective.

Anyway, I'm glad she eventually got tired of the fencing match and gave up the fight (of course she believes she won the match, but that's a story for another day). Things brightened up rather quickly after that and towards afternoon we were well on our way to not being murderous. In the same vein, i find this blog very soothing. It calms my frayed nerves immensely just knowing that one other person in this world feels just the way i do.

2. Had some bit of property registered in my name. Thank you dad. That's awfully sweet of you.

3. Had a lengthy chat with the family doc about my high Blood Pressure and threatening-to-shoot-up cholesterol. I need to wake up and start working out now, but the bright side is, he said it wasn't really too bad. I'd be fine, just as long as I took care starting now. That is immensely relieving for a chronic worry-wart like me.

Meet the Barons

Media barons. I wonder sometimes how it would feel to be floating on that much money. Controlling empires, making and breaking deals worth billions of dollars every day, effecting the economy of many nations at the wave of my hand, capitalizing on the stupidities of so many billions of people. Would I be happy at the end of every day, knowing that in breaking the thought barriers and shrinking inter-continental distances, I have further infringed on the silence in people's lives - their precious mind-space that there seems to be such a dearth of these days? Ehhh... I dunno.

Where do you think you've gone today?

I always had my reservations about Windows Vista. Of course, my limited access to high end hardware made all my reservations remain just that - apprehensions not based on fact. Now somebody else has the facts researched and presented. And i'm not sure I want to try Vista. Read on.

Your soul shall burn in the lake of Fire

I hope these guys have good reason to back their claims. Anyway, going by their version, here's what the crystal ball says. Pretty gory (unintentional oxymoron). Please make sure you die a peaceful death before all that happens.

Breaking the Law.... Breaking the Law

Access to webmail blocked? Your right to pornography throttled? Feel stifled by that silly corporate internet usage policy?

Well no more! Welcome Hideu!

The best part is... It's free! And the second best? It's not the only way :)

Now try and find another excuse for not doing something groovy on the web...from Office.

Depressed?

Before people consider taking pills to swallow in order to magically get rid of their symptoms of depression, it seems they rarely take a serious look at their lifestyle. Note that depression is a serious issue and there are circumstances where it may be best to treat cases with medication (further, if you are considering taking your own life, you should to seek professional help immediately), but never should it be the case that one disregards or minimizes the immense effects of starting (or maintaining) a healthy lifestyle. I believe everyone can benefit from this page -- here are the things that have worked to make and keep life bright n smiley for me.
If these work out for you, or you think I'm a moron, or you've got more pressing issues to suggest, then send me an email: pdabrows--at--uiuc-dot-edu. Otherwise..

1. Drink Water
More than you can imagine. 8-12 glasses a day, if possible. Do you have to pee a lot? Sure, at first, then your body gets accustomed to functioning with a proper water supply.

2. Eat Well
5 meals a day of healthy food, each portion about the size of two fists. Stick with lots of protein. Unsaturated fat doesn't matter too much, but sugars and satuated fats do. Be sure to fill up on vegetables and fruit. If you're fat, try fewer meals or stick with extra-lean foods.
Do not eat any hydrogenated oils. Never go out to a fast food place for a crappy meal.

3. Move Around -- Outside
Break a sweat every day for at least a good few minutes. In the morning is better. Get lots of sunlight, it'll help your sleep cycle function properly..

4. Sleep Smart
This does not mean you sleep 10 hours, or even necessarily 8. Short is good, you just need to find out when you're in a light sleep. If you're not rested when you wake even though you got 'a full night', try sleeping 20 minutes less the next night. Once you find an appropriate length (good times for me are something like 5:00, 6:20, or 7:40 hours, for example), your sleep will not have to be long for you to wake up feeling rested in the morning. A nap in the afternoon is fine, but, again, short is good -- less than 45 minutes or you'll fall into heavier sleep and waking up will hurt a lot.

5. Learn How to Fight
If you can't rile yourself up, you're gonna be in trouble. If you can't figure out the right time to rile yourself up, you're still gonna be in trouble. Be sure to use this wisely, and not keep yourself going for too long, otherwise that stress buildup will knock you around.

6. Remove the Biggest Problems
Take that fight and aim it at the biggest problems in your life, if you feel you have something significant in your way. Remember that you can always succeed as long as you've set the right goal, are getting the proper information, and can rile yourself up when action is required. Take control or find help. This applies to everything including abusive relationships, drug addictions, or sitting in front of the TV/computer all day (or in other words, if 'inexplicable' depression is your big problem. In this case, be sure to take a lot of notice to the next point).

7. Find Something To Do
Without big problems to focus on, you need to give yourself some smaller problems. Find a job and stick with at least one serious hobby. Your job should have only one or two major projects required of you. Give yourself time to practice a hobby significantly for at least an hour each day. Further, focus on thinking about getting these things done successfully when you aren't actually doing them.

8. Forget About Failures
No one cares if you think you're a failure or if you've made mistakes. Move forward, because remembering the bad is only going to bring you back down. Write these things down and hide them away. If you need to remember what happened before, re-read what you've got and take a look to see if what's ahead of you avoids the same old situations.

9. Smile
As much as possible, even if you hate it.
source: http://www.ews.uiuc.edu/~pdabrows/how_to_cure_depression.html

10. Joke around a lot (added by me)
Say unbelievable, funny things, no matter how impossible they sound. It gives a good laugh, and that's better than a smile. Example: I am going to follow the above nine principles consistently.

But then if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time?

Merovingian: Aha, here he is at last. Neo, the One himself, right? And the legendary Morpheus. And Trinity of course, si belle qu'elle me fait souffrir. I have heard so much, you honour me. Please, sit, join us. This is my wife, Persephone. Something to eat? Drink? Hmm... of course, such things are contrivances like so much here. For the sake of appearances.

Neo: No, thank you.

Merovingian: Yes, of course, who has time? Who has time? But then if we do not ever take time, how can we ever have time? Chiteau Haut-Brion 1959, magnificent wine, I love French wine, like I love the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favourite - fantastic language, especially to curse with. Nom de Dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperies de connards d'enculis de ta mire. You see, it's like wiping your ass with silk, I love it.

Morpheus: You know why we are here.

Merovingian: Hmph... I am a trafficker of information, I know everything I can. The question is, do you know why you are here?

Morpheus: We are looking for the Keymaker.

Merovingian: Oh yes, it is true. The Keymaker, of course. But this is not a reason, this is not a `why.' The Keymaker himself, his very nature, is means, it is not an end, and so, to look for him is to be looking for a means to do... what?

Neo: You know the answer to that question.

Merovingian: But do you? You think you do but you do not. You are here because you were sent here, you were told to come here and you obeyed. [Laughs] It is, of course, the way of all things. You see, there is only one constant, one universal, it is the only real truth: causality. Action. Reaction. Cause and effect.

Morpheus: Everything begins with choice.

Merovingian: No. Wrong. Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without. Look there, at that woman. My God, just look at her. Affecting everyone around her, so obvious, so bourgeois, so boring. But wait... Watch - you see, I have sent her dessert, a very special dessert. I wrote it myself. It starts so simply, each line of the program creating a new effect, just like poetry. First, a rush... heat... her heart flutters. You can see it, Neo, yes? She does not understand why - is it the wine? No. What is it then, what is the reason? And soon it does not matter, soon the why and the reason are gone, and all that matters is the feeling itself. This is the nature of the universe. We struggle against it, we fight to deny it, but it is of course pretense, it is a lie. Beneath our poised appearance, the truth is we are completely out of control. Causality. There is no escape from it, we are forever slaves to it. Our only hope, our only peace is to understand it, to understand the `why.' `Why' is what separates us from them, you from me. `Why' is the only real social power, without it you are powerless. And this is how you come to me, without `why,' without power. Another link in the chain. But fear not, since I have seen how good you are at following orders, I will tell you what to do next. Run back, and give the fortune teller this message: Her time is almost up. Now I have some real business to do, I will say adieu and goodbye.

Neo: This isn't over.

Merovingian: Oh yes, it is. The Keymaker is mine and I see no reason why I should give him up. No reason at all.

Persephone: Where are you going?

Merovingian: Please, ma cherie, I've told you, we are all victims of causality. I drink too much wine, I must take a piss. Cause and effect. Au revoir.

************************************************************************************

What I would love to do now:

Laze around in the sun; get new fenders, alloys and rubber for the car; stumble; sleep; listen to plenty of music; hang out with the dee.

What I should be doing instead:

Some crappy office work; make the school website; co ordinate a personal call; clear my table; take a walk; watching the 2 movies I rented yesterday.

What friends want me to do:

Play pool; go to a bird sanctuary; eat out

This is not how i want my weekend to be. So out of control and so without time to do the things I wanna do.

ok . I'm getting a drink and some chips. :)

An amazing insight into BlackHoles

This is the best presentation I've seen about black holes in space. Simply amazing!

And you thought this post was about african fannies? Pervert!

Where do you think you're going today?

http://upl.codeq.info/

Click there for creating customised packing lists and other general things-to-take-with-you-on-a-trip lists. Ok now we only have two things to worry about:
how to take the time off to go on a trip.
Deciding where to go.

Thank god for the internet. We would be such a bunch of dysfunctional morons if we didn't have people constantly telling us what to do and how to do it.

Animal Farm

"Animal Farm" by George Orwell.

The best satire I have read. Catch the full book here.
On the same level as H2G2. Mind altering experience.

On meetings

Ten blind guys
See what they've done
Chorus: See what they've done

They all once met for a long long time
And talked at great length on some bad code-lines
Have you ever heard such a thing in your life as ten blind guys?

Ten blind guys
See what they've done
Chorus: See what they've done

They met after lunch for a sleepy while
Kicked up a row cos they couldn't deliver to clients
Who can be as blind to the real issue as the ten blind guys?


A meeting of 10 people. 2 of them know the issue but can't find a solution. 3 of them think they know the issue, but do not, yet talk about it anyway like they were gods directing blame to where it belonged. 2 of them are responsible for the issue but don't know it yet. 3 of them are in the meeting only because they have nothing better to do in their lives than catch some juicy neighborhood gossip.

I am sick of these meeting times. 90% of the time you feel violated because somebody is holding you hostage, stealing your time and feeding you crap. The rest of the time you feel violated because the ones who matter (for the appraisal) don't understand the issue, the ones who understand the issue don't matter, the ones who neither understand nor matter are bent upon proving that the issue is yours, the ones who care and matter and understand the issue are... generally imaginary.

Really? Now I didn't know that!

The Origin of Emotions identifies the purpose, trigger and effect of each emotion.

“Maternal love stops when a child is 33 months old. Mothers maximize their reproduction by focusing on the next child when the current child can feed itself. By 33 months, children can feed themselves if food is available. They can walk and their first set of teeth have completed eruption.”

“Men only love a woman for 42 months, which covers 9 months of gestation and 33 months of post-natal care. Both sexes maximize reproduction by starting a new reproductive cycle with a new partner when a child can feed itself.”

“Revenge encourages victims of rule breaking to always retaliate, whether it helps them or not. The more victims retaliate, the fewer rule breakers there are. The fewer rule breakers there are, the more efficient a group is.”

“Pride is triggered by higher rank, not high rank. Rookies feel pride, but veteran all-stars do not. Recent nursing graduates feel pride, but doctors nearing retirement do not.”

“Humiliation is triggered by lower rank, not low rank. The only criminals who feel humiliation are first-time offenders. Every CEO feels humiliation when they retire.”

“Affection is triggered by the visual and audible differences that separate humans from other primates, such as white eyes, smiling and speaking.”

“When you maximize your happiness, you do what is best for the species.”

Read the first 18 chapters here.

15 ways to Leave your Computer

http://www.joelonsoftware.com/items/2006/11/21.html

 

And add to that, the keyboard shortcuts like Win-L to lock XP machines and C-A-D and Lock Computer on Win2k machines. Personally, I have set power management options to hibernate my PC everytime I hit the poweroff button on the cabinet. I have a separate button for a hard reboot, and i use Win-L to lock my screen when I take an emergency break. Many many options less.

Posting by Mail

This post is from my mail account. Let's see if it works.

Surprise! And it's not even Winamp!

When I was Stumbling today, I ran into this. It's such a light music player. And I couldn't tell the difference in audio quality from Winamp (which is heavier than a loaded jetplane). I even felt some songs sounded better! The interface is bad, I agree. But what the heck, I don't care for UI as much as I do for sound quality. Yeah, I just want good sound. I used to use Winamp along with a plugin called DFX for Winamp. The sound was good but it used to hog memory like a pig on rampage. What I like about Foobar is it's lightness without compromising on flexibility and options. You should check it out.

I think!!!

I think people who introduce great people in their blogs with the words "The space available here is not sufficient to paint a good enough picture of so-and-so. So please do google for him" or some such equivalent is just lazy.

I think I am wasting my time.

I think I am wasting your time.

I think writing this year's CAT was the funniest thing I did in a very long time.

I think!!!! Surprise Surprise.

I think I need a cigarette... again.

I think I have stopped wanting to be understood.

I think music has stopped having a mighty impact on me, like it used to once.

I think I should be looking out for a better job.

I think someone I know deserves a good spanking.

I think "The Introspector has spoken" phrase is silly.

I think I want to get drunk.

I think I want to sleep.

I think I want to suddenly wake up from this and remember its all just a dream, and that my Real Life is way more fun than this.

I think you should get up from in front of your computer NOW and realize you actually have a Real Life... Go on. Stop reading this horseshit.

I think KLUELESS2 people should pay more attention to the quality of their English. KLUELESS1 was better.

I think I have stopped making sense to myself.

I think I want to feel intensely nostalgic about something... anything.

I think I want a hug... again.

I think I should stop using ellipses(...)... Simply cos... it's the most overused punctuation in personal blogs. :P

I think I should give up trying to learn how to write.

I think enough is enough.

I think "Wow! I haven't blogged in ages."... again

"I Am Mine
-by Pearl Jam from the album Riot Act

"The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

The North is to South what the clock is to time
There's east and there's west and there's everywhere life
I know I was born and I know that I'll die
The in between is mine
I am mine

And the feeling, it gets left behind
All the innocence lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

The ocean is full 'cause everyone's crying
The full moon is looking for friends at hightide
The sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied
I only know my mind
I am mine

And the meaning, it gets left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
Significant, behind the eyes
There's no need to hide
We're safe tonight

And the feelings that get left behind
All the innocents broken with lies
Significance, between the lines
(We may need to hide)

And the meanings that get left behind
All the innocents lost at one time
We're all different behind the eyes
There's no need to hide



The introspector has spoken

If you're searching for a silent sky...

My grand dad has been staying with us for the past ten days. He is leaving today. And he took the trouble of waking up at 5 am today just so he could talk to me before i left for work! And so, he talked to me. Thus spake the grand old man-
"Remember, when you go out with friends, no smoking, no alcohol, no drugs. Also, marriage only to a brahmin girl."
That's it. no preamble, no introduction of the topic, no broaching the subject matter no nothing. Heck, not even a good morning. Bang! it was there in the cold morning air. hanging over the dining table between me and him. much like a quick drawn gunshot at point blank range. except here the victim does not know how to react to the bullet. Does he allow it to enter him? Does he take it inside like he would a real bullet? Or will it just fall to the table like a brick if he stared at the bullet long enough? Or will it crumble to dust if he laughed and broke the quiet? I was at once trying to control my laughter, nod my head in feigned obedience and trying to look away; the seriousness, the panic, the grave urgency and desperation in his face must have said a thousand things, which I might have comprehended only if the light was better in that room. I mean, why he suddenly thinks he needs to tell his 23 year old grandson this at 5 in the morning, I don't know. I went out for dinner with my friend yesterday evening and got back home very very late by his standards. So, isn't it clear as day then, that if i actually come home late, then surely, I and my friends are actually having an orgy, doing crack at a whore-house and passing out from drink on an everyday basis? But I must assure you, it is not on an everyday basis! I finally said "Yes, OK" to his words. He must believe i have now been completely saved from a hopeless life of vice by a few simple words! And hence Mission Impossible Accomplished. Over-and-out. God, I crack up and hold my belly in mirth when i think of this incident. Some concept of parenting people have! I am surprised he didn't tell me about homosexual contact and unprotected sex with multiple partners. I bet he has been chanting this sentence through the night so he could memorize it perfectly, the panic and grief and all. He must be shocked with my reaction. I just hope for his sake that he didn't expect me to say "But Grandpa! You don't need to tell me that. You actually feel i am even capable of thinking about trying to do any of those vile nasty things? You insult me Grandpa!"

You won't find it here. Look another way.
You won't find it here. So try another day.

The introspector has spoken

The revenge of the Sh*t- Event blogger strikes back

It has been a while. She left on the 5th of May. Technically speaking, my first weekend after she left started on 13th. Of course I missed her. Evenings were terrible. I felt so out of place in my own house. It's been a while since I spent an entire weekend lazing around at home. But it was made somewhat easier by the arrival of my relative who had to share my room saturday night. So we kept talking until 2.30 and i had to drop him at the railway station at 5.30 so i had to wake up by 5 AM! that left me pretty much out of action for the whole of sunday, but it was fun. Anyway here's an update of my activities starting last Friday arranged chronologically, so you all can see how boring my weekend was.

Friday afternoon, I leave office late and get home by 3 PM. I leave at 3.30 PM to dee's place to see what's the issue with her computer, download some of her emails and speak her mommy. Then i had to get a flat tire fixed, so i drove over to "Tyre Professionals" near by and got that done. It was so quick, i was done in 15 min. Checked out some fairly decent alloys and rubber. I think i'll go with 155/65R13. sounds decent to me, but sadly i need to wait another 20k on the odo to run through my current set, else i'll feel very guilty for blowing my money. Instead I can now put in the pricol tacho and micro de fog lamps. Anyway, after that, drove over to 4th block and did some shopping. headed out to BSNL office to enquire about some ISD facilities. It started raining and the sky was beautiful! I drove back home in the rain enjoying every moment of it. I had to give sandy's camerafor service so did a bit of research on that. spoke to his dad about light metering techiques and stuff. he sounded pretty knowledgeable, so i plan to make more opportunities to talk to him about photography.

Saturday morning.
Fetched the mail and sorted out plenty of finance. Had to send out 6 cheques and had to update a dozen things, so that took well over an hour. cleaning time. Vacuumed my room and the hall cushions and cleared out the mess. realized it's actually possible to make my room look decent.
Went out with sandy for giving the cam for service. Stopped at a bakery and bought loads of stuff to munch on the way. Went to 3 ATM's for all the cheque deposits and drove out to the new Shell pump on mysore road. That was awesome. one neat pump. fueled up and got back home at 2.45. one heavy lunch and i get a call from my relative who wanted to be picked up. so dad and i head over to wherever he is and pick him up and head back home. ("What a weirdo he is!", "Car service things to do" and other such interesting discussions in the following blogs)

The introspector has spoken

The white veins of IT

0545 hrs, Hosur Road. I was getting to my office on a Friday morning, dazed and sleepy. In the half light of dawn, by the gate of every IT company, BPO, software development center, Call centre (oops.. contact center, no offense meant) there stood a battalion, oiled and ready for another day. White cars, vans, buses, cabs of every make and model stood glinting in the light of the street lamps and headlights of the early risers. Hundreds, thousands of these, row after row of silent, monstrous hulks, ready to leap at the blow of a whistle, ready to battle the heat, dust, pollution and chaos of my city, nay to create the heat, dust, pollution and chaos of my city. Yet, without them, my city would lose its edge, its 'competitiveness', its identity, its industry. IT, with its 6 digit salaries, its coffee machines, its board rooms, its white Tata Indicas, its VoIP phones and its IBM Thinkpads is what opens our gates to riches, to progress, to Glory, Hallelujah! And the transport departments of all these companies make up the white veins (or arteries?) of IT, spreading and branching to the most remote extremities of this pulsating, expanding, growing insomnia that is my city. My lovely Bangalore, won't you ever rest?

The introspector has spoken

Loser

Time: Friday evening 08.15 PM.
Season: Summer.

And I am sitting in office, my cubicle, my space. With nothing very important to get done. And nothing much else I'd rather be doing now. Go find me a worse loser and you shall be suitably rewarded.

Tomorrow my office is working to make up for an unscheduled off due to some localized violence. But I can have it off! To compensate for extra hours i have put in before.

I participated in a photography competition. sent in some lousy photographs i had taken. none of them were remarkable and i have no chances of winning a thing. sent them just for the heck of it. first time.

The scream of the paper shredder is driving me nuts. Stop using it will you?

Hell, I don't even want to write anymore.


The introspector has spoken

I don't usually play with images on the computer but I was extremely jobless at 12.30 AM yesterday. So I tried something. Here are the results, both before and after. I liked them.




A little bit of cropping and a little bit of tuning. Personally I am not so much for nature images or scenery, I prefer images like the ones found here, almost my favorite site on the entire internet.
But this was pretty tempting, so I had to post it.

The introspector has spoken

The grey line

Is this lack of direction a curse of my generation? Is it the arrogance borne out of luxury, or even affordability? In my grand parents' times, they could not afford to not study, or subsequently, not work. Thought about such a choice was un affordable. Today, I can choose to sit idle for my lifetime and still have enough wealth left over to last my progeny (born out of a moment i choose not to be idle!). Sometimes, I feel vaguely guilty for not having the purpose in life, and even mildly envious of them that had a purpose. Like something precious has been stolen away from me, to which I am constantly drawn, looking, searching, frantic and desperate - purpose; like the Gollum is drawn to the power of the ring after he lost it. And I didn't know I had it until I realized I didn't have it anymore. Of course, naive logicians here may wonder, how then do I know I 'lost' it. I really can't answer them. I just will not care to. I just know. I feel the grief, almost as if I was present to watch it being torn away from my soul, like in a dramatic Indian film where the child is forcefully separated from parent. I just might like to know here who is the parent and who the child. Does purpose guide us, or do we construct our purpose? For one thing, without purpose, I see no joy in existance. If we are master of our purpose, there is some hope that I will one day stumble upon my purpose. If it is purpose that guides us from the day we are born (or atleast become independent entities) to the day we die, then well, I have lost the game before I even knew the rules. So, is there an asylum somewhere for introspective gentlemen searching for purpose? I want the address.

There is a constant turbulence, a heaving and churning of the mind, as it lashes itself against the shores, the boundaries where the I ends and the rest of the world begins. And wave upon wave that the mind brings forth throws new flotsam on the shores. Memories, half buried in the sands. Like fragments of broken green glass, like the fading memory of a well spent afternoon; or like a ravaged slipper, separated from its pair, a materialistic anchor to the little life consumed by the waves, half in accusation, half in mockery, at the rest of the world for having pushed a soul to this watery end. And the flotsam on the waters' edge just keep growing. Oh these sands were once clean, pristine white. Not now, regrets, shame, an occasional smile or tear, and yet curiously nothing of substance, of value, of wealth. My past looks as boring as my present and my future. Just a timeless grey line that stretches from horizon to horizon against a background of never ending white.

The introspector has spoken

The Ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal

The Ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal: a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous.

-from the 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy', by Douglas Adams

I love this creature. This is exactly how I approach problems in my life. If I don't think about it, it obviously wont think about me.

So well... happy me, happy you, happy world, happy nights, happy life, happy day, happy happy happy stuff, happy us, happy times....so... happy!
Ignorance is the best form of defense (ok, an intentional bad memory comes a close second).

The introspector has spoken

Leaving on a jet plane

I don't know how I should be feeling now. My girlfriend just called up and broke the news that she's going out of the country for close to half a year. She leaves in a month. Great! I had seen this coming, all along. Yet when it's this close and you are given the news first hand like the prison guard announcing the execution date, the panic always strikes. It pains me in a very distant way that selfish panic... fear of surviving those months alone attacks me first, before the joy of this wonderful opportunity she got and happiness for her begins to sink in. Shameless self-interest. Self centered leech... is who you are, i keep telling myself, still somehow secretly believing this is exactly how it feels for her too. Deep down I know she should not feel this way. What's happening is very good for her. It has been over six years since she took a break from studies and work, and what better way to have a vacation than the company paying for an international tour? But still, this is a little too extreme. I mean, almost six months? Another funny thing is, ever since we got together, we have never stayed incommunicado for even a single day. Ever. We have never known how it is to stay apart, without being able to talk. So maybe now we'll really get to know how distance will make the heart grow fonder (if it can get any fonder), and how we can all get a fresh perspective of things. Desperate attempts at consoling myself.

The introspector has spoken

The fog

It is morning again. The thick blanket of fog is once again trying to permeate my being and enter within, violating me.... in obscene defiance to my every attempt at resisting it. I hate this ritual everyday, yet I know it will happen with unfailing regularity day after day, week after week. And in a strange sort of way, I almost welcome it.

The grey fog of feelinglessness, I call it. For once it settles, I can feel nothing. There are no spikes of joy, depths of sorrow, no rush of adrenaline, nor reflective serenity. It is just a blank grey emptiness that resists all attempts to banish. Comes as it wills and leaves as it wills (I somehow think it never wills to leave). I can sense it from the moment I wake up to the moment I shut my eyes and fall sleep.

Just a deep melancholy that tints every incoming stimulus with its grey, and evoking a distant "Why bother? how does it matter? Is it really worth it?" response. It affects my every cell, rendering it dull and inactive. The lethargy is overpowering. It desensitizes me to the world. A blind, mindless existence, not reactive, and, definitely not proactive. I waste away every minute, every day. God help me. Or atleast tell me what is wrong.

The introspector has spoken

untitled 1 ;)

I happened to read Grape of wrath. I have to say it's the best piece of mood writing I've come across in a blog in a very long time. My perception was altered after reading it for an hour. I hope one day, I can write something like that. Atleast hope to. So much imagery with words.

You know what the identified malady with me is? My need for a social life (or lack thereof).
Do I lack the social life, because I lack the need, or do I lack the need because I've never had a social life and I don't know how it will be to have one. Whatever it is, I think I need it NOW!


The introspector has spoken

I hate myself for this... and this.. ok that too, and yes, that also

I am disgusted with this blog. For it has taught me too many things in too short a while. I am not used to this rate of progress at all (many thanks to the work culture here). Firstly it taught me I can't write for nuts. (Ok, that's one career ambition out of the way, one less to worry about) . Second, it has demonstrated to me the inherent weakness of man's heart, the failings that make him ...just... mere human. No matter how much he appears to hate people, he nurtures a secret desire to be a hero, he craves the adulation, the worship, the admirers, he even wants people to read his blog for God's sake! And the stupid hit meter I put stands mute and static and reproachful as ever telling me "Fatso, go find a job you are actually good at!" But believe me, I am close to giving up. I can't seem to find the one thing I am good at. You see that's the problem with me. I am too fleeting. Well.. that brings us to the third thing this blog has taught me. My interests are so many, so varied, ok... great so far, but as intense as they may be when they do exist, they evaporate too soon, way too soon. I don't have a one single interest I could be so dedicated to as to spend my entire life pursuing it. (Was that sentence gramatically correct or was the last 'it' redundant?). I guess the only such interest would be automobiles. I could spend ages collecting data on them, but you see there lies the next problem. It stops with research and study and knowledge. I would not design my own car/sports machine. I would never dream of performance enhancements and modifications as a business avenue (one post about my car is due, remind me) and i would never be good enough to race professionally. Next, music. I just love music, rock, metal, old classics, the whole f*cking spectrum and I guess I will never outgrow Deep Purple, Judas Priest and Metallica , but I can't f*cking play the guitar. I have a very good guitar, it's lying unused. I hate myself for this.

The introspector has spoken

Mil Millington

My latest fascination (after the belly button lint and the green armpit putty) is Mil Millington's Blog of "Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About". You must admit, the insight it gives could seduce any man into becoming an ascetic, but curiously, it's just these things that make you want to stick around. And how do I know? I just do ok, trust me. For heaven's sake I can relate to the stuff this guy writes, isn't that proof enough? I mean... i know he's exaggerating wildly, but his subtle british humor is just awesome. And now I got my girlfriend to also read this. God! What have I gone and done?

On another note, I need to interact with individuals from a certain central American country (they have conference calls and web chat sessions from there) in the regular course of my work. That's the only comic relief I have in a day at office. Their web chat log runs something like this.

Us: Hi
Them: hi
Us: We'd like to know if the encoder is currently deployed.
Them (after 8 minutes of inactivity during which behind the scenes, the following activities take place - copy from chat window into Google language tools, Translate from English to spanish, Type in spanish the appropriate answer to our question, Translate from spanish to English, copy that into the chat window and hit 'Send'): Not, Encoding happening is not current, the final deploy will happens only later. Please... sorry, please.
Us: OK, so when can we expect encoding to be deployed and tested?
Them (repeat performance as described above): Wait me some time, please. I am checking when I am talked with so-and-so today in the afternoon. But now I am suffering from the hungry, so I go to eat.
Us (recovering from a brief spell of dizziness): Ok, thanks.

I am gonna miss you guys when I'm off this project.


The introspector has spoken

I touch no one and no one touches me

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark december;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
But I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

-"I am a rock"
Simon and Garfunkel
Best Of Simon And Garfunkel

Some of that don't apply to me, but most of it does. And I love this song.


The introspector has spoken

A secret place on the World Wide Web

I put in a tiny hit counter yesterday at the bottom of this page. And I was unpleasantly surprised to see that not a soul apart from me reads my blog. Well who says you can't keep a secret on the internet? In fact, I have a terrific business model which I'll prolly implement soon. I'll make an obscure page like this that nobody would want to visit and then I'll tell people that they can put their nasty little secrets here at a cost and I shall guarantee that not a soul would know. Nobody else will want to know their secrets anyways. I mean, think about it, people find it hard to remember and keep their own nasty secrets. Why would they wanna know yours?

Incident Blog of the day:
Ah Saturday! I watched a movie today. It was about wife swapping. No it's not a porn movie. It's the sort of movie that sensitive men go to with their girlfriends. It's got to be, cos that's what I did!

The introspector has spoken

More blogger stereotypes

Following from my previous torture session, I'll throw down a few more blog stereotypes here:

4. Trying to be a new father
Today I went to the office union night dinner with porridge on my dress shirt. I know I would have hated it 7 months ago. But now it pleases me no end. And when my colleagues asked how I managed to get the porridge there, I said 'if you had a 7 month old devil at home, you would know too', speaking of which, Jason badly needs a haircut. Can you believe it? This bundle is only 7 months old and he's ready for his first haircut?? It's amazing how time flies, i only wish I had more of it to spend with Jason.

Point of interest: Notice how totally unrelated events are connected back to the kid.

5. Trying to be a 16 year old guy
Current mood: Pissed
Current music: Roots bloody roots by Sepultura
I f*ckin hate this world, and all the people that don't have the bleedin' sense to mind their own business. Jessica is a b*tch. Wat da f*ck does it matter to you anywayz you sh*t? I wish I could kill her now. Hell life's a b*tch too. I am too pissed to write anything else today.

6. Trying to be a 22 year old girl
Can you believe it? Today is the day! I've been with my man for 2 whole years! We're going out for dinner at 'The Chinese Quarter'. I know he likes dinner there. I have a surprise arranged for him. I have a suite booked at Hyatt and right after dinner I'm gonna blindfold him and drive him there. Wow! I can't wait to see his face when I remove the blindfold. I'm dizzy with the excitement. Brenda tells me this plan is the most romantic she's ever heard!

7. Trying to be a nerd
I was listening to the podcast of 'review of 60 best selling packet sniffing/port scanning tools' and one thing immediately struck my mind. If the networks security guys keep themselves blissfully ignorant of the leaps and bounds that network threats are growing by in terms of number and severity, then it will be up to us geeks and hackers to fix and patch our own networks. Network administrators as a species can then de-evolve into something more their class.. like telephone sanitizers or something. Thats a funny thought!

Ok done with the stereotypes. Finally. I hate to admit it but I have actually read many many blogs. And 99 percent of them fall into some category or the other mentioned above. Why do people keep getting themselves into the same old shitty rut? I see very few blogs that dare to be different. Or maybe there aren't that many different people around. Or maybe I don't look hard enough.

All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

Of course there are some very useful blogs around too.
I remember one teaching you how to have sex with dolphins... now thats something I always wondered about. Another one telling you about the famous 14th century artefacts in the temple of the sixth heir to the king in some village in northern Sudan. Just what I needed.

They are so different. But as useless as they maybe to me, towards them, I hold none of the malice that I do towards the stereotypes mentioned above. Atleast these dare to be different. And in the least, they provide me with constant hope that all is not lost for me and that I can one day start my own blog on my latest hobbies- research on belly button lint and green armpit putty.

The introspector has spoken

Incident Blogger

Like the first post was not boring and pointless enough, I have decided to suddenly make an incident blog entry. Ah well, when life sucks this much, I wanna share that suckiness with all you wonderful people.

It's 12.39 AM Local time. And I am in office. Waiting for the ar*e of the database server to repair its friggin' self, so I can run my bloody tests in peace. Not gonna happen today... no not until tomorrow evening... is what sysadmin says. Atleast this screwup ain't my fault!

And so while I have nothing better to do till my shift ends, I devise new and improved instruments of blogging torture.

Watched Lord of the Rings 1 today. For the first time. I am proud I din't fall victim to the herd mentality till now. Anyway it was an OK movie. Ok... better than just OK, I concede. Some of the stuff reminded me of the 'Wheel of Time' series by Robert Jordan. But i sincerely believe the music could have been more ominous. And Gollum... he is so funny. And Frodo... serious competition to Gollum. I mean... 'dazed and confused' is the only expression he specializes in or what?

I wonder if all the people who claim to be leading terrific, amazing, fun filled, awesome, seat of the pants lives on their blogs actually mean it. C'mon, tell me aren't they over reacting? Nothing that wild and exciting ever happens in my life. Or yeah, I don't make so big a deal of them when they do happen. But I'll make a very honest effort now.

1. Trying to be a 14 year old girl (gurl)
I walkd frm my apartmnt to my cab across da street, and da sun was setting in da west. da sunrays were so..o slanting my shadow looked so...o big. kinda freaky... lol.

2. Trying to be a 14 year old guy
been to this sorta... pointless but kinda cool site... its called elevatormoods or sumthng. was kinda cool... like it was so pointless but also well made coz these guys have.. like 15 video clipz or sumthng and they put it out in a damn cool interface kindz. awesome.

3. Trying to be a mother-to-be
Today, I looked at the moon shining through the clouds and I thought, in 3 months, little Edna could be seeing that. It filled me with so much hope that it brought tears to my eyes. I have never felt this good before.

Ah... more stereotypes shall be explored later.

The introspector has spoken.

Oh well... Here we go. ..Again!

This is MY first blog in this Id. And as anyone who cares to read through this and future pieces of mind numbing boredom will see, this blog is entirely, fully and completely centered around ME, MY little world, what goes on in MY head and what does not, but I would like if it did!

It is by no means my first blog. In fact this is my third attempt at blogging. I am now wondering which i dislike more- Pouring your heart out and whatever goes on in inside your own stupid head for all the world to see on a blog like this, or joining these little community thingies where you pretend to be best of pals with some possible faker you knew as a kid and honestly wouldn't care a fig about today. ughhh... i hate them all. Yet I think we carbon based life forms all share a common thread that binds us together, all of creation - it's the same stupid herd mentality that drives all wildebeest into the same croc infested river, or all them stupid bugs to electrocute themselves on the bleeding wire of the pest eliminator and fall dead among the rest of their slain creed. Or maybe it's just the exhibitionist hiding in each one of us, waiting for release and to 'bare it all' to the world. Well whatever it is, here I am... on the road again, there I am... upon the stage. Here I go.. playing star again. There I go... turn the page. Ah this fits so aptly. Turn the page, sir, and unleash another load of mental agony! I bet Bob Seger was a blogger too.

Frankly i don't care a damn if nobody reads this shit. It's prolly safer for you if you don't read it. Me... I'll just update it whenever i get the urge to write something, or whenever i have loads of time and too little to do; whichever is the sooner.

The introspector has spoken