Radio Reality

Technology and Spirituality... Chalk and Cheese

Internet Radio can teach you many simple truths about life. That if you yearn to own, if you seek to possess, you will stop having fun in life. I was listening to internet radio and many of the songs that i listened to were songs I had never listened to before from bands I had never even heard of. I would not have downloaded or bothered to buy them at all, because when I get a song on my hard disk, I carefully consider if I like it, critique it to death and only if it still sounds good do I keep it. But on the radio, since I have no such choice, I listen to everything that's played and I noticed that most of the songs sound pretty good. Maybe if we took such an approach to what we interact with in our daily lives, particularly the people, much heartburn can be avoided. If we learned to accept people for what they were, like we accept radio stations for what they play, and learned to enjoy the good sides and the positive elements, like we enjoy the good bits of music on the radio, life would probably be more meaningful, instead of trying to constantly filter out our environment to permit only those stimuli that agree with our predefined conditions of acceptability and wallowing in a sense of dissatisfaction when those conditions are not met. Because in trying to carefully filter out music, we are closing our minds to growth. By critiquing everything around us, we are not giving them a fair chance to express themselves. Plus we don't really know what all we like. We only think we do. I decided I like 70s Progressive rock a lot now and I didn't even know i liked progressive.

So everybody, go listen to internet radio! Believe me, it's good for you.

Bad bad doggie!

Don't ever do this. Always remember. GoTo is BAD habit.

But fate it seems, does not work without a sense of irony

You have been working your arse off for 3 weeks doing 14 hour days and bending backwards to keep up your personal commitments. One day you decide that you can take the evening off and leave office at 5:30. You decide to leave in 5 minutes with your friend on his bike. In two minutes he gets called to an emergency meeting which drags on and on for two hours. All plans ditched. Life is fucking cruel, just when you thought you saw some light.

Matrix revealed

Hmmm... those were the days.

It used to be extremely fashionable at one time to wonder aloud if the matrix was real; if we were actually living in the matrix; what if the world as we know it was indeed, just a simulation program with a neurological interface. I loved to subscribe to such a view and read a large number of very complicated essays on such topics and hold very involved discussions about it for months, without really understanding what anybody was saying, including myself. That didn't matter. The important thing was, we were all talking about the matrix. It seemed extremely plausible that we may be in a dreamworld.

It was the time when videos like the animatrix and anything with similar themes used to be the ultimate fantasy to indulge in. Screensavers *had* to be matrix themed. Desktop wallpapers *had* to be freeze frames from the matrix, or transcripts of its dialogs, otherwise it was sacrilege.  Non-matrix conversations were soaked in matrix lingo and esoteric references to the movie. Why? To revel smugly in the knowledge that we, who had seen the light, stood apart from the visibly annoyed hoi-polloi who had not.

It was a matter of great seriousness to educate non matrixians of their ignorance and in great hurry, induct them into our world through proper guidance and explanations, more so, if the poor victim was female and looked vulnerable. There must have been a time when our gang of 'matrix evangelists' were feared like jack-the-ripper.

But all said, it was a great time. A time of expanding views, a time when knowledge of esoteric ideas gave confidence and joy. A time when there was such a pressing need to not just stand out from a crowd, but to smirk at it too. It must have been a part of growing up, the great search for identity that seizes every teenager, and turns him inside-out, raw, ugly and malevolent before it finally makes him a man. (Pardon the gender non-neutrality but this is my blog)

And like everything else, after a few months of a caffeine-like buzz and feeling heady about belonging to the intellectual upper class, i lost interest. The matrix messiahs were not so active anymore. Weeks went by when none of us used words like 'the oracle', 'nebuchadnezzar', and 'morpheus'.

In time, we surrendered to the general view that the matrix was just a movie, albeit, one with a very well thought-out plot and stunt sequences that would put even Rajnikanth to shame. Of course, nobody openly proclaimed a change in views or a shift in ideology. Thats what zealotry does to you. It pumps your ego so much that to change your stand becomes impossible, a sort of my-dignity-or-my-death issue. We have seen it in communists and militants, preachers and godmen.

In a few months, all was forgotten and we all went out and got a life, so to speak. That was until matrix revolution. Then it was back to the old times, but a bit more restrained. We had matured enough to say stuff like "Hey I didn't get that bit" or "But that sounds illogical" without drawing furious flak or without having to bury our faces in shame.

After the reloaded was revolution. But this time it was a whole lot different. Many of the hardcore elite even missed the movie. Some were apologetic, some were not. Finally our little gang of matrix messiahs had grown up. They had to after all. And just so i can wind up this piece without losing my life, i sacrifice my dignity to reveal the defection to the opposite party. The final proof of why we are not living in a matrix type of world is that if we were, the agents wouldn't have let such a movie be made. The program that controlled the Wachowski brothers would not have been written thus. That rests my case.

Credit sheesh!

Cell phone rings.

Me@ThisEnd: Hello
Lady@OtherEnd :Sir, Good morning, am I speaking to Me@ThisEnd ?
Me@ThisEnd :Ya
Lady@OtherEnd :Sir, We're calling from SomeBankName . Would you be interested in our new credit card? It's free for life sire, which means you have no annual charges. We offer a credit limit of up to 3 lakhs sir. We have a 60 day replacement policy and....
Me@ThisEnd :Wow, up to 3 lakhs! Ok, I'm interested. Just one little thing though.
Lady@OtherEnd :Yes sir! (her excitement oozing out of the speaker on my phone)
Me@ThisEnd : I have way too many credit cards now and yet, I'm forever in debt. In fact I have no clue how to manage all these cards and i've defaulted payment many monthsOn all my cards my overlimit withdrawal penalty and interests come up to quite a bit. I really could use another card to pay off these, so i can start using all my cards again. What's your procedure now?
Lady@OtherEnd :Errr, ok sir can you suggest some others who would be interested sir?
Me@ThisEnd :Mmmm, none at the moment, but I'll surely call you back with a list of names.
Lady@OtherEnd :Ok, thank you sir.
Click

second attempt at bloging from my phone!

this is from the new gmail app on my phone.

FROM THE MOBILE!!

My first post from my phone. lets see how it turns out.

More on user interfaces

Carrying on from the previous post about how user interfaces have evolved, here's one that's exciting. It could mean a revolution in how we choose to look at files on the computer. I think very soon the computer will become an extension of our analog brains. We will be working with analog representations of digital processes. Starting from force feedback on your dumb joystick right up to whats there on this video; we will not just be typing on keyboards or clicking with mice, we will be working with data using interfaces through which we can touch, feel, sense, smell and taste. Being the pervert that i am, i am just imagining cyber sex five years from now. Good times are ahead.

The next wave in computing

Multi touch interface. Surface computing. Click here to see what it's all about. It's super cool if you ask me, but i'm just surprised that microsoft is behind this and not apple or google. We'll wait and see. This reminds me of the Zion control station in the matrix.

No more fingers in the trash

Brilliant design!



Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Look ma! Translucent application windows!

Look at my desktop! Watch how the flaming, swirling colors in the Winamp vis window appear through all the other apps I'm running. The visual effect is stunning. It can amaze you, mesmerize you, confuse you and make you want to throw up, all at the same time. It's like living in the 'grass'lands baby. I love it.

I'm using DM2 for this. And it works amazingly well. It's refreshingly light, tolerably robust and ensures that you won't get bored of your desktop for a long time to come. Next, I'm trying to find a visualization plugin for Winamp5 that's easier on the CPU. Suggestions anyone?

Perseverence

This guy is crazy. How I would love to be him.

Zen and the art of attaining nirvana

This is gonna be a long and winding one, so u better sit down nice and comfy, with a cup of coffee near at hand, maybe?



I had given my Zen for service yesterday morning. And all through yesterday and today, till the moment I picked it up, I was feeling a bit jittery. Is it just me or do others also feel a sense of unease, of discomfort when their car is not in their garage or in their sight? Anyway, the dee was forcing me to meet her right after work and postpone picking up the car by a day. She tried every trick in her book. She even assumed I would succumb and be waiting for her when she got out of office. Man, was she disappointed. I'm sorry dee, this is one of the times when I stand guilty as charged, with no defense, but i really can't let it be any other way either. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever understand my crazy obsession. But the sense of relief that overcame me as soon as I saw my sweetheart standing there with the rest of her kind, spotlessly clean, smiling to me a pleasantly satisfied smile made everything worthwhile; ditching a date with the dee, paying 8000 bucks for the service, everything. The seats were not even dry after the shampoo wash. I had to drive sitting on newspaper sheets. As soon as I started her up, the response from the engine was great. Sweet and delicious. Just a contented purr. The engine tune up job seemed pretty good in idling. Put her into first gear, and the lever just slid into the notch with a reassuring click. Call me crazy and old fashioned, but what I like about the Zens of my era (1999-2002) is the degree of feedback the driver gets. From the road, on the pedals, the steering wheel, the gear lever, everything speaks to me. Some language that only I can understand. Telling me how each element is doing, and what's the general level of friendliness or grumpiness that day, so many things. In fact, I can notice the slightest drop in her power, the slightest vibration that wasn't there before, her slightest rattle, her slightest discomfiture of any sort. And i released the clutch. Smooth as silk; it immediately brought a smile on my face. The clutch overhaul (4500 bucks) had worked magic on the feel of the pedal. And when she was in motion, it was poetry. As soon as I was on the road, I noticed, the steering felt a lot smoother, the pickup was a lot higher, the engine was a lot quieter and the brakes were a lot sharper. Motoring Nirvana. She climbed so quickly through the gears. I was doing 35 kph and she hit 5th. I listened for any complaints. None at all. I further dropped the throttle, down to 30 kph, still no complaints. Then i accelerated and she instantly picked right from there, 5th! Awesome. Then I dropped her to 4th at 40 kph, and suddenly she raged forward like a leopard leaping out of the bushes for a perfect ambush. Brilliant. I could almost kiss her motor. I cruised into a quieter street and tested the work on her brakes. Not too noticeable, but the front feels better, the retardation sharper. Good enough. I pulled over to the side and called the dee. Arranged to meet her at 7.15 at the Forum, and u-turned to join the chaotic evening traffic of Bannerghatta road. The Zen was obviously enjoying her little outing after 2 days of cleaning, checkups, tune-ups and upgrades and make-up. She told me so herself. And I was at peace with the world. The traffic didn't bother me. The lane cutting cyclist didn't draw my ire. The painfully slow auto rickshaw didn't irritate me. Suddenly all was perfect. The Zen, the road, her wonderful dream of an engine, that sporty gearshift, me. All in perfect harmony, doing a choreographed sequence, all the cogs and wheels and shafts and cams, to some exotic music that only we could hear.



Life I love you, All is groovy.



PS: I took her out again at 10.15 PM to the NICE road (the stretch between Kanakapura road and Bannerghatta road, 7 km of well asphalted 6 lane highway). I wanted to time a zero-sixty but i didn't have the heart to race her motor just then. I figured she must be sleepy already, so I didn't push her. Anyway, she seemed to be happy just cruising, and she made it a point to mention it again. Very quickly, before I realized, she was sailing at 120 kph. Like knife through butter, her heart humming, the rubber sticking to the new damp tarmac, purring in the confidence of complete control.

Why Vista Sucks

E-043 Vista - Arrogance & Stupidity

"Upgrading to Windows Vista has been banned by the U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT), the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), technology giant Texas Instruments and other corporations and government agencies (V1, V10, V11). These organizations are evaluating their options, but overseas it's turning into a stampede to get out of Microsoft software (V15).

School districts in the U.S. are starting to move entirely to Linux rather suffer the cost of upgrading Windows. Examples are the Windsor Unified School District in Northern California and the Bexley, Ohio high school district. Schools making this move have been surprised how easy it is and how much money is saved. (V6, V8)

Leading computer maker HP is reporting "massive deals for Linux desktops" with corporate clients (V4). Runner-up computer maker and long time faithful Microsoft ally Dell has been overwhelmed by demand and has started developing Linux desktop preloads for their notebook and desktop computers (V9)."

I love as in absolutely love such articles!

That piece above was from an artcle titled Vista - Arrogance & Stupidity

Whither Infinity?

The following paradox is not my own creation. I forget where I stole it from. Nevertheless here's the deal.

What is a line?

A line is a geometric concept consisting of an arrangement of an infinite number of points. There. Infinity!



But wait. If I was to get in a car and travel in a straight line from any point A to any other point B, it would mean that I must be traveling through an infinite number of points. Or, in other words, I would be changing my location through infinite positions. Infinity, by its very nature, must ensure that I do not reach point B. Ever. I can get closer and closer to point B, but never really reach it. Rather strangely, in real life, I eventually do! So, doesn't that mean that the definition of a straight line needs alteration? A straight line is made up of only a finite number of points? No. That's clearly wrong. Because, as you zoom into the line, you will ultimately see that the finite number of points become discontinuous and hence technically do not form a line. In order to make a line that is continuous at all levels of zoom, so to speak, you do need an infinite set of points. So where does that leave us now?



I swear to God I am not on LSD.

And as a side note, when the dee and myself were a-fightin last week like them old times, she started agreeing to everything i said, just to wear down my defenses. Eventually she did and i snapped at her. I told her "Look, stop agreeing to everything I say from this moment on!"
What should she do now?
A. If she says "Ok, i shall stop agreeing", she is still agreeing, and hence actually disobeying my demand.
B. If she says "I shall never do that", it means she is going to disobey my request and continue agreeing with whatever i say, but in a way I won cos she disobeyed me by saying she would never stop agreeing with me.

Both of us took a time-out from the fight to figure out our options. And we are yet to get back to it. I love paradoxes.

MiG 23 finally laid to rest

IAF to retire swing-wing MiG-23 interceptor Tuesday - India

At its peak, the IAF operated two MiG-23 squadrons - 223 and 224. The former converted to the MiG-29 in May 1989.

Considering that back in the 80s, the MiG 23 was one of the first to have BVR (beyond Visual Range) AAMs (Air to Air Missiles), swing wings and was cheap, I quite liked this old warhorse.

Mikoyan-Gurevich MiG-23 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The MiG-23 had the advantage of being quite cheap in the early 1980s. For example, the MiG-23MS was priced between US$3.6 million and US$6.6 million depending on the customer; on the other hand in 1980, the F-16 Fighting Falcon was priced at US$14 million, and the Flogger's closest Western competitor was the Kfir C2 with a price of US$4.5 million.

But it is a little surprising that they only logged about 32581 hours of flight from 1980 till today.

Career survival tips

Posting after a long hiatus. And i'm back with a... a link! Things they never taught me at design school very much applies to every walk of life. And the one important lesson i take away from it is

95 percent of any creative profession is shit work.
Only 5 percent is actually, in some simplistic way, fun.

How fucking true!

When I say no, I feel guilty

I am reading a book called "When I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith. Considering the fact that I hate self help books (I always believed "How to win friends and influence people" type of books were the suck), it really is amazing that I am loving this one. I was browsing around at a books sale when this one book just screamed out to me. I mean, the title was so direct that it summed up exactly what i ended up feeling most times i interacted with people. Only, I didn't know i could put down all my frustration and self-disgust in such a simple sentence. I'm dumb!

I can tell you, it is the best book I have read in a long while. And almost every line in it is so apt and so 'for-me' that this attains the unique status of 'the only unputdownable non-fiction i have ever read'. Go get it.

One interesting conversation followed my reading the book. Mom was on the phone on a very important conversation when the neighbor walked in, uninvited and definitely unannounced. Mom was figuring out a way to handle the neighbor with the least distraction from the phone conversation while not seeming cold or rude to her. She managed with some degree of coolness which is besides my point. Coming back to my point, dad asked me rather sarcastically, "So according to your book, how do you handle this situation assertively? Do you tell her in your frostiest voice that you are busy?" It was then that I saw the flaw that a lot of people have in their understanding of assertiveness. They confuse assertiveness with being rude and impolite and always using vocal muscle power to get your way. Man, that is so wrong. Assertiveness, IMHO, is all about being on top of a situation. Assertiveness means that you dictate how the situation must be depending on how you want it to be. Assertiveness means that you are the director, the controller of what happens to you and how you feel about an interaction or transaction as against letting a situation make you a feel a particular way. Nowhere in assertiveness training does it say that you need to be unpleasant and offensive to people. Notice how subtle the differences are between the many non assertive reactions and the probable assertive reactions.

Non assertive reactions:

1. Tell the guy on the phone that some guest is home and hang up in order to entertain the neighbor.

It's an important call and i feel guilty for hanging up. My friend at the other end thinks I am a prick. I feel like a doormat and hate myself because my neighbor walked in unannounced and screwed up what i wanted to be doing, and I was powerless to stop that.

2. Tell the neighbor with many apologetic gestures that you can't talk right now while not interrupting the phone conversation.

I feel guilty that i cannot entertain the neighbor properly and also I missed some of the important phone conversation in trying to gesture all that to the neighbor.

3. Ignore the neighbor and continue on the phone.

I got what i wanted, but there are still some bruised egos. My neighbor thinks i am a prick.

4. Try to manage both. I entertain my neighbor with appropriate facial expressions and gestures and still pretend to be listening to the guy on the phone.

I feel swamped. I feel like I don't have the freedom to choose what i want to do. The neighbor feels unattended and the friend on the phone thinks i am not interested in what he's saying.

Assertive reactions:

1. If the call is more important to you than the neighbor's visit, politely tell the friend on the phone to hang on for a second. Then tell the neighbor that you are on a rather important call and that you will call on her again later. Fix a time if you must. Get back to the guy on the phone.

2. If the neighbor's visit is more important to you than the call, politely tell the friend on the phone that there is some inconvenience in talking to him now, and that you will call back later. Fix a time if you must. Then entertain the neighbor.

I know this example was entirely too simplistic, and does not deal with the essence of assertiveness training - Handling manipulative people. Still, I felt it was a good enough example to distinguish clearly between letting a situation to get the better of you and controlling the situation the way you want it without being rude and offensive.

AeroIndia 2k7, a review by the lay-man for the lay-man

Aero India 2007 just concluded. I was there on Saturday. The hotties in the fighter category this time around were the MiG35, F-16, FA-18 super hornet(first time the US is participating!) and Saab Gripen, and in the commercial / cargo sector, it was the C17. For the enormous hulk that the C17 is, the climb rate is impressive. Even the C5 looks so slim next to it. This year saw very few attractions on the helicopter front. Apart from the static display of the Chinook, there was nothing else, as probably technology proving with the ALH was not needed anymore. The Sarang display team finished their performance (with 3 copters) just before I entered the airfield. The older favorites were all there too from last time, the Su29, Su30 MK-I, Mirage 2000, MiG27 etc. The jaded Mig21 (I still respect this plane) and the Jaguar were conspicuous by their absence (and thankfully). The BAe Hawk was also on static display, but curiously, outside the Air display area. According to me, the Gripen stole the show with its impressive maneuverability and agility for a plane that small, light, cheap and low on ground support requirements. Truly a winning combination for developing countries with many semi-developed airstrips and lack of proper ground support. I don't know if it is my inherent prejudice for all things American, but for some reason, the F-16 and F-18 failed to impress me beyond 'Such monstrous power!'. In the regional jet / business jet / VIP carrier category there were around 4 or 5 planes on flying display, including the Saras and a Bombardier Canadair CRJ something. I was most impressed by the Saras as I watched it do some technology proving demonstration flights. Saw it take some mean bank angles that were impressive for a non-conventional propeller. I found it to be a bit noisier than the others (I am comparing with other turbo-props like the older ATR32 not present in this show) though this is just an opinion and very relative. Even the noise seemed to be tinny, like a 4 seater biplane. There were a couple of small planes in the GA / Personal aviation category, neither of which I remember now.

The Suryakirans did their usual stuff. While I admire the pilots and their skills, one must admit that if you've seen it once or twice, the third show gets pretty boring. For example, this time's performance was an almost exact replica of last time's show. I could even predict which item was next on the list and what the commentator would be saying over his PA with a fake accent and fake interest in his voice, repeating phrases like 'stunning display of speed' and 'impressive demonstration of its maneuverability' over and over again.

But the best thing on display at Aero India 2007 was not on a tricycle landing gear. It stood on 4 humongous rubber tires. It was part of a stall put up by the AMGeneral (Transports). Yes, the HUMVEE (HMMWV - High Mobility Multi-purpose Wheeled Vehicle). It was the first time I saw the beast in the flesh. I must admit, for the kind of image I had carried in my head about the Humvee, it didn't seem all that mean. So i was slightly disappointed there.
We hardly had any time for visiting the stalls. There were 9 stalls (hangars) this time, that's 3 more than last time, I think. And we had no time to even enter 7 of those stalls.
So far, all good experiences. Now let me start the gripes.
In one sentence, crowd management was pathetic. In many points and way too many sentences:

I. We spent 1 hr 15 min in getting from JP Nagar 6th Phase to AFSY (that's AirForce Station, Yelahanka). And 1 hour 45 minutes in parking the car. Traffic congestion was terrible. Long queues, unexplained delays and holdups, Unclear directions and indications. Lack of a clear communication. Specifically the problems were these. Vehicles on the highway coming to the airshow were asked to form a line on the left most lane and to follow that until turning into the correct gate. Now this arrangement had 3 problems.
1. There was no way to identify which cars were coming to the arishow and which were not, so most people ended up joining the queue as there was neither windshield stickers on the air show cars, nor a sign board to say that only airshow vehicles were to take the left lane.
2. There were not enough number of traffic marshals to ensure that communication regarding the parking availability was communicated till the end of the queue. (For eg. we stayed in the queue for 45 minutes before realizing that the gates were closed as our designated parking area was full)
3. The typical Indian mentality caused people to form 3 lines instead of 1, thus causing more mayhem.

II. There was a bus facility to transport visitors from the car park area to the air show. These buses were irregular and no control system existed to ensure that people boarded and alighted from them in an orderly manner. Result: It looked like refugees fighting for bread behind a United Nations truck in Somalia. So we ended up walking that distance from the parking to the airfield.

III. Area given for food stalls was entirely insufficient and this problem was worsened by people who sat right in the middle of all the queues to eat.

IV. I believe the whole crowd management issue could have been lessened if the date of entry was printed on the tickets and the number of tickets available for a given day was limited. This way, the crowd could have been distributed over 5 days. The other advantage of this would be that it would be easy to plan for the number of visitors for each day, depending on the number of tickets sold for that day.

Of course, these are just my ideas, and there maybe no sense or logic in them.

PS: Please leave comments on any factual / other inaccuracies that I may have made in this review. Also do share your opinions, impressions and experiences of the airshow.

Open sesame!

Ophcrack LiveCD. Download it. Burn it on to a CD. Boot off of it. By brute force, break into many many password protected windows user accounts. Though it takes the fun out of social engineering or trying to guess at the passwords by knowing the person's psyche, it gets the job done, provided the password is 14 characters or lesser. Read why here at LifeHacker. It is rather interesting.

When the party is over

As all the hubbub and excitement over the iPhone slowly dies away and people are looking at it more realistically than as a miracle answer to all their mobile telephony phantasies, many uncomfortable questions emerge. TheFirstPost asks them here.

Click here to read the article.

Psycho Creep

Emotional manipulation is such a crime. Yet, we all either commit it, or fall for it, many times in the course of a day. It is extremely surprising, the acceptance that some forms of emotional manipulation get. And it is a worrying fact. Anyway, this wonderful website tells you how to spot Emotional Manipulation, and in some cases, how to react to it. An excellent read. And to quote my favorite cliche, it's a real eye-opener.

A monster is born

Got my new computer yesterday. Specs go so:

Processor : Intel Core2Duo E6300 (1.86 GHz) 1066 MHz Bus Speed
Motherboard : Intel 965 Chipset based
RAM : Transcend 1 GB DDR2 @ 667 MHz
Hard Disk : Seagate 240 GB Serial ATA drive
Monitor : Samsung 17" TFT
Sound : Onboard sound STAC Codec, Creative Inspire 2.1 speakers.
Video : Onboard something
LG DVD writer, Zebronics cabinet and SMPS.

Running WinXP SP3.

A monster is born. I know, I know, not really supercomputer specs, but considering what it replaced, definitely a huge difference. My Ex PC's config:

Intel Celeron Processor 766 MHz, Mercury mainboard 815E Chipset, 256 MB SD RAM 133 MHz, 160 GB IDE HDD 7200 rpm, Onboard Sound AC97 codec with Creative SBS20 speakers, Samsung 17" CRT, nVidia RIVA TNT2 32 MB AGP card. It's almost antique now, but was pretty cutting edge back in its times. Don't laugh.

I'll be posting my unscientific and wholly exaggerated reviews about the new comp soon. Just a friendly warning.

Men's Rules

Women should learn these!

One more in the endless list of popular forwards. Well, this one comes from over here, but I've read it at many other places.

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

Movie Computers

Ever seen a computer being used in the movies? Well, if Hollywood is to be believed, then computing and computers go something like this :

• Word processors never display a cursor.
• You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
• Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
• All monitors display inch-high letters.
• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.
• You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".) All computers are connected.
• You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's turned off.
• Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)
• All computer panels have operate on thousands of volts and have explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.
• People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the data.
• A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.
• You may bypass "PERMISSION DENIED" message by using the "OVERRIDE" function. (See "Demolition Man".)
• Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average 2 minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds.
• Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
• When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.
• If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (See "Clear and Present Danger").
• If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you insert it.
• Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See "Independence Day".)
• Computer disks will work on any computer that has a floppy drive and all software is usable on any platforms.
• The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have. (See "Aliens".) Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers because the buttons have no labels except for the "SELF-DESTRUCT" button.
• Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities. Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.
• Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto their face. (See "Alien", "2001" or "Hackers")
• Searches on the internet will always return what you are looking for no matter how vague your keywords are. (See "Mission Impossible", Tom Cruise searches with keywords like "file" and "computer" and 3 results are returned.)
  

source: http://humour.200ok.com.au/movie_computers.html

It's a phoney world!

There was a time when you were considered filthy rich if you had a telephone at home. But soon, everyone started having telephones. Then came them pagers. Top brass and highly placed executives and cardiac surgeons walked around with 'beepers' for a short period. That was until carpenters, plumbers and milkmen started finding them useful. Now the Superman-kind wanted something better than that! Ta- da, the cell phone comes in. Anybody who was somebody now had a mobile phone. They could make and recieve calls while hobnobbing with celebrities, playing golf with the president or banging their trophy wives. They could even recieve calls in the latest polyphonic ringtones! Again, that was only until the hoi-polloi caught up. Even my neighbor's cat has a cell phone now, all for itself! So what next? What does the lambo-driving, trophy-wife-banging, bahamas-vacationing dude weild to mark his status? Well, this. It's a crazy world, i tell you.

52 Proven Stress Reducers

Picked up this list from here and did the color coding myself. Great! More things to think about and do. But isn't it ironic that to implement all these practices is also stressful to a degree owing to vast and sudden changes in the way you look at things?

Anyway Color coding is as follows:

Stuff that i already do
Stuff that i intend to implement
Stuff that i need to implement immediately
Stuff that i don't do, but would be nice if i did
Stuff that i believe is not necessary or applicable to me

Here goes:

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful. 2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table. Make lunches. Put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc. 3. Don't rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc. ("The palest ink is better than the most retentive memory."- Old Chinese Proverb) 4. Do nothing you have to lie about later. 5. Make copies of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden. Carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring. 6. Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home and relationships will be less likely to break down "at the worst possible moment." 7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback book can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant. 8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now. 9. Plan ahead. Don't let the gas tank get below onequarter full, keep a well- stocked "emergency shelf'' of home staples, don't wait until you're down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more, etc. 10. Don't put up with something that doesn't work right. If your alarm clock wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers-whatever-are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones. 11. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures. 12. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet. 13. Always set up contingency plans, "just in case." ("If for some reason either of us is delayed, here's what we'll do..." Or, "If we get split up in the shopping center, here's where we'll meet.") 14. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn't get mowed this weekend. 15. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count 'em! 16. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back the directions that someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old "the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get" idea.) 17. Say "No!" Saying no to extra projects, social activities and invitations you know you don't have the time or energy for takes practice, self-respect and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and to be alone. 18. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) 19. Turn "needs" into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don't get attached to preferences. 20. Simplify, simplify, simplify. 21. Make friends with nonworriers. Chronic worrywarts are contagious. 22. Take many stretch breaks when you sit a lot.

23. If you can't find quiet at home, wear earplugs. 24. Get enough sleep. Set your alarm for bedtime. 25. Organize! A place for everything and everything in its place. Losing things is stressful. 26. Monitor your body for stress signs. If your stomach muscles are knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax your muscles and take some deep, slow breaths. 27. Write your thoughts and feelings down on paper. It can help you clarify and give you a renewed perspective. 28. Do this yoga exercise when you need to relax: Inhale through your nose to the count of eight. Pucker your lips and exhale slowly to the count of 16. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times. 29. Visualize success before any experience you fear. Take time to go over every part of the event in your mind. Imagine how great you will look, and how well you will present yourself. 30. If the stress of deadlines gets in the way of doing a job, use diversion. Take your mind off the task and you will focus better when you're on task. 31. Talk out your problems with a friend. It helps to relieve confusion. 32. Avoid people and places that don't fit your personal needs and desires. If you hate politics, don't spend time with politically excited people. 33. Learn to live one day at a time. 34. Everyday, do something you really enjoy. 35. Add an ounce of love to everything you do. 36. Take a bath or shower to relieve tension. 37. Do a favor for someone every day. 38. Focus on understanding rather than on being under stood, on loving rather than on being loved. 39. Looking good makes you feel better. 40. Take more time between tasks to relax. Schedule a realistic day. 41. Be flexible. Some things are not worth perfection. 42. Stop negative self-talk: "I'm too fat, too old, etc..." 43. Change pace on weekends. If your week was slow, be active. If you felt nothing was accomplished during the week, do a weekend project. 44. "Worry about the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves." Pay attention to the details in front of you. 45. Do one thing at a time. When you are working on one thing, don't think about everything else you have to do. 46. Allow time every day for privacy, quiet and thinking. 47. Do unpleasant tasks early and enjoy the rest of the day. 48. Delegate responsibility to capable people. 49. Take lunch breaks. Get away from your work in body and in mind. 50. Count to 1,000, not 10, before you say something that could make matters worse. 51. Forgive people and events. Accept that we live in an imperfect world. 52. Have an optimistic view of the world. Most people do the best they can.

Ultimate Irony

I want you all to read this. It resembles my opinion on blogging very closely. Sad that i had to post it on my blog though!

The Quarter-Life Crisis

This is an article that I first got as an email forward, and then found the full version of, on the internet. And since I cannot find the author or any copyright information, I'll just tell you where I stole it from, so my conscience is clear. Anyway, a very nice read.

Quote

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Unquote

Amen! What else can i say?

The Big Picture

I was reading Joel Spolsky's latest article from Joel on Software and i found it, yet again, amazingly insightful.

...your mind gets into a bad habit of overestimating how clearly it understands things. It always thinks it has The Big Picture even when it doesn’t.

and

What kills me is the teams who get into the bad habit of holding meetings every time they need to figure out how something is going to work. Did you ever try to write poetry in a committee meeting? It’s like a bunch of fat construction guys trying to write an opera while sitting on the couch watching Baywatch. The more fat construction guys you add to the couch, the less likely you are to get opera out of it.

Absolute gems. Please also read my other posts on meetings.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I can’t code “revolutionary.” I need more details to write code.

Typically Joel.

True Story* from Michigan, USA.

This guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for some 30 thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets a hold of his friend and they go do some male bonding. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These 2 Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.

Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Remember, it's all ice and in order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck wants to fly down and land on, it is going to take a little more effort than a ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40 second fuse. Now these 2 Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly going up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light this 40 second fuse and throw the dynamite which is what they end up doing.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG? Yes, the dog. A highly trained Black Lab used for retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and gets the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it hits the ice all to the woes of the 2 idiots yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now.

The dog, well it is happy and heads back from where it came from moments before, with the stick of dynamite, only to the mounting woes of the 2 bozo's now really waving their arms, yelling even louder and jumping to new heights than ever before. Now one of the guys decides to think, something that he has never done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab on its appointed rounds. Dog stops for a moment, slightly confused and continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared, thinking these 2 Nobel Prize winners have gone insane and takes off to find cover, with the now really short short fuse burning on this stick of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sitting on the lake ice.

BOOM !

Dog dies, and it and the brand new Grand Cherokee 30 some thousand dollar 400+ monthly payment vehicle sink to the bottom of the lake leaving the 2 candidates for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces. Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company which tells him that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the first of those 400+ a month payments.

Can somebody verify if this actually happened?

Sh?tty Sh?tty Bang Bang

The whole Shilpa Shetty incident is hilarious, to put it mildly. Of course, it's a disgrace to the nation, and my sympathies to her and all of that, but still, the way the media and two governments are treating this topic is just amazing! My, what patriotic fervour! I sincerely believed our government had slightly higher priority issues to discuss and comment on.

And Shilpa Shetty herself is surprisingly quiet in all of this. She has not come out to the media, never let herself be seen talking on this issue. The whole thing looks a bit dubious to me. Firstly, that she was there on that program to show-case 'Indian Culture' sounds incredulous to me. Now, we all know how excellent a forum to show-case your culture, a reality TV show is. A reality show, in reality is a cheap, trashy program that pays money to cheap, trashy has-been-in-the-limelight C-grade celebrities and wannabes of questionable talent and achievement (Note: I am not commenting on the character of the persons) to reveal how truly bitchy, dirty and foul-mouthed they are to a voyeuristic population that apparently laps up any shit that's thrown to them in the name of entertainment. Come on, we've seen this filth ourselves in our reality shows like 'Roadies' and the like. If Shilpa's secret ambition was to gain media attention and re-start her flagging celebrity lifestyle, she got more than her due share of it. There's nothing in India that sells like a plea for sympathy, and if you can make yourself look weak, subjugated and burdened while at it, you instantly become the perfect Bharatiya Naari in the eyes of the people. The blogosphere, the entire newspaper community, debaters, my grandmother's friends, the neighborhood dogs, every living being with a vocal cord suddenly has strong views on this topic.

Of course we cannot and will not tolerate racism or abuse, but somehow the credibility of the whole issue is shaky when the victim of the abuse has

a. chosen to be present in such an 'abusive' environment out of her own choice. (Nobody would have prevented her from walking off the sets at the first instance of abuse. She's not under house arrest for God's sake!)

b. been paid / is being paid / been promised a lot of money for appearing on the show.

c. has chosen to hide from the media and on no occasion, spoken to the press directly on this issue.

These trivial points are however of no significance to our media watchdogs and self appointed placard-weilding, effigy-burning Indian-Dignity-protecting brigade of 16 year old girls and boys who consider it their social responsibility to organize rallies and scream themselves hoarse. But what disappoints me is that, a government too has considered it necessary to react in much the same way.

American Byutee

The following text is an extract from one of the comments in the blog YesButNoButYes. To save you the trouble of clicking on that link, I copy-paste the funniest portions below.

The post was called Why People Think Americans Are Stupid and had a hilarious video too.

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapistthen you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
John Cleese

I was in splits, reading points 1, 6, 9 and 12. Brilliant writing!

One of the responses to this comment was by Dr.J, who said:

Mr Cleese (if you are truly who you say you are and I believe you are
because few others would be clever enough to make such a statement), I agree. Well, almost. I must take exception to several points. I think that driving on the left side will make most of us Americans dizzy, which, for driving, especially for driving an American car, is a dangerous state to be in, especially if driving a Ford (you call them Jaguars), which sometimes explode by themselves. I don’t think we should have to pay revenues going back to 1776. That’s just too expensive. If we do that we would not be able to invade random countries which is very costly, especially if we are required to put them back together again after destroying them. Actually, I don’t think we should have to put them back together again because it really takes the fun out of destroying them knowing that soon after we will have to put them together again. No fun at all. I don’t know much about lager, beer, bitters, or brew, but the thought of some warm, flat fermented substance being poured down throats in establishments near to my home is about as appealing as the thought of dirty, sweaty people sucking on each others toes. And finally, I have but one request. If we really must have a Minister for America, would you please do us that honour?
DrJ

I liked that very much.

Crapometer warning: Incidentally, this is the 51st post!

Pongal Vazhthukal

Hey, here's wishing all the readers of my blog a Happy Pongal / Sankranthi / Whatever!

In other words: Here's wishing myself a Happy Pongal.

Have a terrific uttarAyaNam ahead!

New wheels - an update

Over the weekend I had time to do over a 100 km on the new wheels. And I feel this purchase is the best decision I have ever made. Terrific grip and handling. I am able to take tight corners at 100kph. The same corners i used to feel jittery about at 60 kph. And the grip during a panic braking is phenomenal. I still cannot believe that tires can contribute so much to the ride. Even the cushioning seems good, so all in all a great buy. Incidentally, 2k for my old wheels seems like a good deal now, after speaking with one of my friends in the know. What compounds the joy is that the dee loves the wheels too, so much so, she was inspired to start driving the car.

Zen and the art of blowing all your money

I blew 30,000 bucks on my second love! She got a brand new set of pretty shoes to strut around town in. Details: A set of 5 Bridgestone Potenza GIII 165/60 R13 tires. A set of 5 Aura C9350 13" X 5j hypersilver alloys. They look super-sexy now. It was a long pending purchase anyway. Sadly, I got only 2k for my old steel wheels. Pictures pending. Will post them soon. Right after i get the new bumpers, tacho and high power headlights. Which should be very soon, maybe a couple of weeks. I am excited!

1 A W S = 1 awesome web site

check out the intelligence tests here. Much fun they are.

Love Actually

How in Love are you?

Millions of teenagers ask the question: "How will I know I'm in love?" As Dr. David R. Mace, executive director of the American Association of Marriage Counselors, put it: "It's always difficult to know for sure - especially when you're young."

This quiz was prepared after extensive consultations with experts who have made wide-scale studies of this wonderful yet mysterious emotion. It should help a young person make that all-important decision: "Is it love- or something else?"

Instructions:
Answer the following questions with Yes or No.
Choose Yes only if you have quite definite feelings about your answer. If there's some doubt in your mind, check No.

1. Did this thing happen all of a sudden?

2. Would you be very jealous and upset if someone else made a serious play for him or her?

3. When you aren't together, do you find yourself mooning around, unable to do much except sigh over your beau or belle?

4. Are you more in love when you are together than when you are by yourself?

5. Do you honestly feel that the boy or girl is just about the Most Perfect Person in the world?

6. Are you, on the whole, pretty unhappy at home with your parents?

7. Do you know how your heart-throb feels about money and children?

8. Do you find that, when it comes to this particular boy or girl, you are always anxious to appear at your best - that you are conscious about what you say and how you look and act?

9. Most people agree that there cannot be real love unless two persons share common interest. But how about common miseries? Do both of you have a substantial number of complaints in common about homes, parents, school and other things in your life?

10. Suppose your beloved has gone on an extended trip and written you beautiful and affectionate letters. Would you show these around in your group?
Scoring


Give yourself ten points for each No answer, zero for each Yes except in Question 7, where it' ten for Yes and zero for No.
A score of:
70 -100 It looks like the real thing
50 - 60 Indicates some uncertainty may exist
0 - 40 The romance may grow into love, but it's not there yet!

Perhaps you thought Yes answers revealed true love. Not so! It's the No reply that counts in each case except for Question 7. Here is why, according to the experts.

1. Real love does not happen all of a sudden. When people say, "We fell in love the moment we met," they actually mean that each corresponded to a certain ideal image held by the other. Most of us create these ideals in our minds whether we realize it or not. Thus, when we find someone who looks, acts and talks the way we imagined this special individual would, we are attracted- but that's all it is. Love can develop, but it takes time.

2. Jealousy is not a sign of true love. One of the greatest mistakes young people can make is to believe that the more violent the jealousy, the stronger the love. Some jealousy is normal between two people who care deeply about each other. But jealousy is really possessiveness, not love. Psychoanalyst Dr. Theodor Reik says that people who suffer acutely from jealousy often have an underlying sense of insecurity which leads to an overwhelming need to be loved. As a result, they can be extremely jealous even though they may not be in love at all.

3. Mooning, sighing and daydreaming are signs of infatuation, not love. Here's why: Real love is centered around the other person, with your whole behavior directed toward his or her welfare and happiness. Thus, a boy or girl in love can study and work comfortably, knowing he or she is thereby contributing to the other's happiness. Infatuation, on the other hand, is self-centered. The smitten one becomes absorbed in his own misery at being separated from the adored one or in daydreaming about her. He is in love with love, not a human being.

4. Love does not diminish when one is away from the loved one. If you love a person more when you are with him, chances are that your judgment is being influenced by the charm and excitement of his presence. When he is not around to dazzle you, some doubts emerge as Dr. David R. Mace, executive director of the American Association of Marriage Counselors, put it: if you feel this way, indications are the love is superficial.

5. Love is not really blind to a beloved's faults. The person in love knows and understands the other's shortcomings but cares deeply nonetheless. The infatuated person has a tendency to regard the adored one as flawless.

6. An unhappy home life can trick you into thinking you're in love. The files of marriage counselors are filled with cases of younger people who "fell in love" and married when all they really wanted was to escape from pressures they considered unbearable. For example, a young girl who is constantly battling with her parents sees her boy friend as the rescuing knight in shining armor who will "take her away from all this." She isn't in love- she just wants out.

7. Love cannot always perch on Cloud: it must be practical, too. Two of the most crucial elements in a marriage, experts point out, are money and children. Young people seriously in love must know each other's views on these topics. If a couple hasn't talked them out, chances are the romance hasn't reached the real love stage.

8. Love does not make lovers ill at ease. Dr. Mace declares that when the way you are impressing the other person is the dominant concern in a relationship, real love is still distant. When you know you are loved for what you are, you feel at ease in the other's presence.

9. Being companions in misery is not the same as being in love. Marriage partners should be able to share miseries, but such sharing is not in itself love. All too frequently, young people mix up the two and enter into marriage simply because each has discovered a fellow sufferer with whom to unite against an unfriendly background.

10. Love is a private bond between two people. Authorities agree it can't be real if one party permits intimate details of a relationship to be made public. It may be a bit of prestige in the group, but hardly love.

Yay! Scored 80 or 90 on that. Honestly!

Those New Year Things-To-Do

I meant to post earlier. I even typed out the post. But the transition from old blogger to new blogger kinda deleted that post. Anyway, I can't be bothered enough to type it again.

So here's the official New Year Wishes from the Introspector himself!

Happy New Year, people. May this year bring you good cheer, peace-of-mind, simplicity, and all the other things that you've been desiring (provided they're legal and ethical! ).

In retrospect, the year 2006 has been one roller coaster ride. Looking back, here are some of the major happenings in my life: (all good events are in green, the not-so-good events are in grey)
1. Handled 2 projects simultaneously and performed moderately well on both (I worked very late on Fridays).
2. Took tremendous pressure on myself over a few things. Looking back, these could have been avoided if I had just learnt to think through things calmly without reacting on instinct.
3. Realized that I love my parents more than I have ever shown them.
4. Realized the importance of personal space in a close relationship. The dee will completely endorse this truth. You can ask her.
5. The dee went abroad!!!! To Europe. Official visit, but during the WorldCup Soccer! Super. And she took some neat pics of the Mercedes-Benz Museum. For meeeee! So super.
6. She got me a Creative 1 GB mp3 player!
7. Got an appraisal rating of 5 at work. Tried to show sustained enthu and professionalism in my work. (Really i tried!)
8. Went to Sabarimalai. Went on a trip with cousins.
9. Put on some more weight. Old pants don't fit.
10. Reached an all-together new degree of closeness witht the dee. This is the highest high of my roller-coaster.
11. Had a couple of things sorted out with folks so things sail pretty smoothly now onwards.
12. Made new alliances with some colleagues and found a couple guys who share my sense of humor.
13. Let a long suffering friendship cool down. This is in preparation for my resolution #3a & #7a.
14. Was diagnosed with hypertension.
15. Almost quit smoking and drinking.
16. Got some property registered in my name.
17. Lost my Grandmother.
18. Had a very low-key new year celebration. No party no nothing.

So you can see, there are more greens than grays. Yays!

What i would like to change in the coming year (order of priority, so numbering may repeat):
1a. Stop taking guilt and pressure on myself unnecessarily. Learn to unwind, let my hair (what remains of it) down and relax. Treat myself to more fun times, socialize a bit more. Sleep lots more. The same applies to the dee too.
1b. Lose weight. A lot.
1c. Reduce pressure and other burdens on the relationship. Take responsibility for my negative reactions and emotional outbursts, but understand that these should neither be encouraged nor deserve any sympathy. Treat them as steam-venting times and keep those in check.
2a. Completely quit smoking and drinking.
2b. Work on general fitness and health in a steady consistent approach, pray a little more.
3a. Reduce tensions, smile more, be less grumpy & bitchy & cribby, try to maintain a calm, composed, peaceful and cheerful disposition at all times. I know this needs immmmmense work.
3b. Be more open and frank about the relationship with people, parents or the dee.
3c. Find humor in everyday situations.
4a. Be more mature and steady. Behave like an adult. Get rid of childish insecurities and complexes. Realize that i am stronger and more resilient than i think.
4b. Give myself more time and space to do the things i love doing.
4c. Sharpen rusting mental abilities and memory. Do more puzzles, learn a new trick or fact every day, meditate a bit, try to remember lists etc. Improve learning and excel in atleast 1 technology.
5a. Resist pressure, only bite off what i can chew, bring home fewer work issues, enjoy work more.
5b. Rekindle some old friendships, just to bring back the good times.
6a. Be more modest, and cut people some slack. Don't take myself or my work or the relationship too seriously. All 3 are sufficiently capable of handling themselves without constant introspection and fine tuning attempts.
6b. Read more. Be better informed and updated with current news and technology.
7a. Try not to be involved in/with negative situations, people who get me down, negative emotions. If this means disassociating with a few people I know, then so be it.

This list is by no means final. It shall be modified suitably depending on some comments i recieve, or my own perception shifts.

So with miles to go before I sleep, here's wishing myslef, the dee, folks and everyone a terrific 2007. Let's see what it brings.