I hate myself for this... and this.. ok that too, and yes, that also

I am disgusted with this blog. For it has taught me too many things in too short a while. I am not used to this rate of progress at all (many thanks to the work culture here). Firstly it taught me I can't write for nuts. (Ok, that's one career ambition out of the way, one less to worry about) . Second, it has demonstrated to me the inherent weakness of man's heart, the failings that make him ...just... mere human. No matter how much he appears to hate people, he nurtures a secret desire to be a hero, he craves the adulation, the worship, the admirers, he even wants people to read his blog for God's sake! And the stupid hit meter I put stands mute and static and reproachful as ever telling me "Fatso, go find a job you are actually good at!" But believe me, I am close to giving up. I can't seem to find the one thing I am good at. You see that's the problem with me. I am too fleeting. Well.. that brings us to the third thing this blog has taught me. My interests are so many, so varied, ok... great so far, but as intense as they may be when they do exist, they evaporate too soon, way too soon. I don't have a one single interest I could be so dedicated to as to spend my entire life pursuing it. (Was that sentence gramatically correct or was the last 'it' redundant?). I guess the only such interest would be automobiles. I could spend ages collecting data on them, but you see there lies the next problem. It stops with research and study and knowledge. I would not design my own car/sports machine. I would never dream of performance enhancements and modifications as a business avenue (one post about my car is due, remind me) and i would never be good enough to race professionally. Next, music. I just love music, rock, metal, old classics, the whole f*cking spectrum and I guess I will never outgrow Deep Purple, Judas Priest and Metallica , but I can't f*cking play the guitar. I have a very good guitar, it's lying unused. I hate myself for this.

The introspector has spoken