I don't know how I should be feeling now. My girlfriend just called up and broke the news that she's going out of the country for close to half a year. She leaves in a month. Great! I had seen this coming, all along. Yet when it's this close and you are given the news first hand like the prison guard announcing the execution date, the panic always strikes. It pains me in a very distant way that selfish panic... fear of surviving those months alone attacks me first, before the joy of this wonderful opportunity she got and happiness for her begins to sink in. Shameless self-interest. Self centered leech... is who you are, i keep telling myself, still somehow secretly believing this is exactly how it feels for her too. Deep down I know she should not feel this way. What's happening is very good for her. It has been over six years since she took a break from studies and work, and what better way to have a vacation than the company paying for an international tour? But still, this is a little too extreme. I mean, almost six months? Another funny thing is, ever since we got together, we have never stayed incommunicado for even a single day. Ever. We have never known how it is to stay apart, without being able to talk. So maybe now we'll really get to know how distance will make the heart grow fonder (if it can get any fonder), and how we can all get a fresh perspective of things. Desperate attempts at consoling myself.
The introspector has spoken
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